Supergluing and Healing a Broken Marriage, Post #22

April 1, 2014

Supergluing and Healing a Broken Marriage, Post #22

By Guest Blogger Teresa Tarrant

Editor’s Note: Please welcome one of my precious role models, Teresa Tarrant, to “Pure Inspiration” as the first Guest Blogger. She is an inspiration to me and infinite others. May her story, their story, touch your heart as it did mine.

God is everywhere.

I have known this since I was a little girl in Sunday School, as a college student in chapel, as a wife at church, and as a mother reading Bible stories to my children. What I didn’t realize was…it is so wonderfully and lovingly true.

It became an undeniable fact and reality for me in the year 2000, the year the world was going to come to an end, all the computers were predicted to crash and my marriage was in crisis. My husband Guy and I had been married at that time for 28 years…by the grace of God. We went through every stage of marriage in some form of heightened emotion…riding the waves of “good times” and “bad times.” It was more difficult for my husband to do this because he does not like “heightened emotion.”

I, on the hand, did not know much else. I knew I did not like this state of being. At the same time, it was the only way I got any “real” response from my husband. Through the years a pattern developed. My husband would resort to withdrawing when confrontation ensued…I would go at it with all I had to find some closure to a problem. I would finally get quiet and sad and eventually just let it go. This worked for Guy.

A slow death was occurring in our marriage. Our children, two wonderful sons, were the glue that held us together for so many years.

I did pray often for guidance in our marriage…but I’m not sure I waited for or listened for His answer. Learning to trust and submit takes maturity, and God knew I needed time to grow into the person He made me to be. His timing is perfect; even if we don’t understand that fact. There were times I did not feel that God was listening to me or helping me. What I now know is the He was waiting for me to need HIM in my life and no one else.

We were at a real crossroads in our marriage in the year 2000. Our older son had graduated from college and younger son was going off to college. Our glue was gone. We discussed separation. He was going to move out. My emotions vacillated between marriage and separation.

One day I woke up and found I could not stand another indecisive moment. I dropped to my knees by our bed and totally surrendered my will to God. I cried out to Him to help me know what to do. I told Him I could not live with my husband like this, and I could not imagine myself without him. I prayed for guidance and told Him I would not do one more thing unless I felt He was guiding me.

I lay on the floor weeping for quite some time until I felt a total peace come over me. It was strange. It was as if a weight had been lifted and I was not going to have to carry it any more.

Later that day I had to go to Wal-mart for cleaning supplies or something—I don’t even remember. What I do remember is how God talked to me. Yes, He very distinctly led me to the book section and showed me two books that changed my life—The Power of a Praying Wife and Traits of a Lasting Marriage. When I opened up this first book, the prayer I read was:

“Lord, I lay all my expectation at your cross. I release my husband from the burden of fulfilling me in areas where I should be looking to You. Help me to accept him the way he is and not try to change him. I realize that in some ways he may never change, but at the same time, I release him to change in ways I never thought he could. I leave any changing that needs to be done in Your hands, fully accepting that neither of us is perfect and never will be. Only you, Lord, are perfect, and I look to You to perfect us.”

The prayer followed with several Bible verses, Biblically-sound doctrine for restoring me, restoring my marriage. I felt my eyes well up with tears. Could God really be telling me I needed to change and be the person my husband needs? I always thought I was…that he just wasn’t the husband I needed.

Do you know that God can turn a heart from stone back to love in a matter of minutes? He can and He did. I left Wal-mart with a smile on my face and copies of the two books. When I got home I asked my husband if he would consider reading the book with me and trying to let God lead us back together. He agreed—another one of God’s miracles. I am blessed to have a husband who has always been willing to take every effort to make our marriage work. I knew we were going to finally have the marriage God intended for us—one of love, commitment, laughter, friendship, joy.

We still have our differences but they are handled with a very different approach. I first go to God and ask for His guidance in solving a problem; then I approach Guy. My “old” self rears its prideful head occasionally…ok, often. I recognize that God led us back into this marriage, and He will guide us through any rough patches.

Guy is my best friend, my companion, and the sweetest grandfather you can imagine. My cup runneth over, and I give all the glory and praise to my Lord and Savior.

So when in doubt, pain, confusion or despair, get on your knees, call out to God, surrender to His will, then listen. Trust me, He will answer. God is everywhere.

Reflect:

–How are you fighting for your marriage? Please comment.

–What wisdom can you glean from Teresa and Guy’s testimony? Please comment.

Renew:

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.” –Matthew 7:7-8 NIV 1984

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” –Ephesians 4:32 NIV 1984

Recharge:

–What three things do you admit need changing in yourself to strengthen your marriage and/or other relationships? Please let your spouse know today. Comment here.

Resource:

Conway, Jim and Sally. 1991. Traits of a Lasting Marriage: What Strong Marriages Have in Common. Downers Grove, Illinois: InterVarsity Press.

Omartian, Stormie. 1997, 2014. Power of a Praying Wife. Eugene, Oregon: Harvest House Publishing.

March 25, 2014

Going After Laughter, Post #21

When is the last time you laughed, truly belly laughed? Do you take yourself too seriously?

I love to laugh and make others laugh. Laughter and smiles are universal. It makes me smile to hear other people or children laughing.

“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” –Proverbs 17:22

According to an article by the Mayo Clinic, a good laugh has great short-term effects like stimulating your heart, lungs, and muscles, increasing endorphins, soothing tension. Long-term effects from laughter may improve your immune system, relieve pain, improve your mood, lessen your depression and anxiety.

Clean, good-humored laughter truly is the best medicine. Just smiling makes you even more attractive.

Do you surround yourself with people or even one friend who lifts your spirits and laughter comes easily? If not, intentionally set times to spend time with someone or people with whom you can laugh.

Laughter is throughout the Bible. One of my favorite stories is when God told Abraham and his wife Sarah that they would have a baby when they were ages 100 years old and 90 years old, respectively. Needless to say, Sarah laughed—at God. She conceived and bore a son and named the baby “Isaac,” which means…. Laughter.

“Sarah said, ‘God has brought me laughter, and everyone who hears about this will laugh with me.’” –Genesis 21:6 NIV 1984

“Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, ‘The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.’” –Psalm 126:2-3 NIV 1984

May you be encouraged to smile and laugh more, and to make others laugh. It sure does lighten the room, lighten your heart, lighten your marriage, and those around you.

Relax, smile, get ready to laugh.

Here’s a clean joke for you:

Little Johnny was sitting in Sunday School one day when his teacher was teaching about Noah and the ark and all the animals.

She asked “With all that water from the Flood, do you think many fish were caught from Noah’s ark?”

Johnny quickly answered, “Of course not.”

“Why not, Johnny? It would be so easy to catch fish,” his teacher asked.

Johnny said matter-of-factly, “Noah only had two worms.”

Reflect:

–What will you do to laugh more?

Renew:

–“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven…a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance…” –Ecclesiastes 3:4 NIV 1984

Recharge:

–Name three positive people in your life who lift your spirits. Make an appointment to see them and spend time.

Resource:

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-living/stress-management/in-depth/stress-relief/art-20044456

March 18, 2014

We Are Perennials, Post #20

After Easter last year, I drove by the 300+-year-old church cemetery near my home and noticed a pile of about 20 or so Easter lilies, all sadly discarded, unloved, awaiting their trashly demise.

I wheeled in, pulled over, spread out my yoga mat in my trunk and placed every one of those plants in my trunk. You see, an Easter lily is a perennial. It will come back to life each year and bloom. So many people, so many churches, throw them away after Easter, thinking their purpose is done. I hauled them all home, gave some of them to neighbors who wanted to reuse/replant them. Mom and I planted the rest in my yard and some at the end of my street. It thrills my soul to now see them popping up from the ground, almost a year later. They are destined to bloom again.

Do you ever feel like a discarded Easter lily? I do. God looks at us as perennials. We may have our personal wilting, decaying periods, but He sees our potential. He knows when we are tended and nurtured, we will grow and bloom again and again.

Last year I learned yet another sweet lesson from my precious Mom, the horticulturist. She came over to my home to help plant some caladium bulbs, which we both love in our yards. She brought eight bags of bulbs, a total of 64 bulbs to plant. One by one, we dug a hole, scooped the soil in, planted the bulb, fertilized, and watered. We planted them all around my big oak tree in the front yard, then the rest along the front flower bed.

When we finished, she did something I had not remembered her doing before. She offered to pray for them, for the newly planted caladium bulbs. As we both stood in the front yard, sweaty, knees covered with dirt from kneeling, she offered a prayer that I can still hear:

“Dear Lord, they’re in the ground now. Please help these bulbs grow well and thrive so that Danya and her neighbors can enjoy Your beauty. Thank You for creating even these bulbs that remind us of You. Thank you, Lord. We love You. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.”

I had a lump in my throat as we picked up our yard tools and cleaned ourselves off inside the garage. I had no doubt those bulbs would come up, their elephant-ear faces smiling toward heaven. They grew and flourished, every single one.

Have you ever prayed over seeds, bulbs you’ve planted? Do you, do we pray before any endeavor?

Similarly, how do we plant seeds/bulbs of encouragement? I encourage you to start today. It could be smiling at the grocery store cashier, looking her in the eye and asking how she’s doing. It could be to pull your neighbor’s emptied trash receptacle to the side of the house, so that he/she doesn’t have to do it when he comes home from work. It could be inviting your neighbor or coworker to church or Bible study.

We are blessed with endless possibilities of ways to plant seeds of encouragement in people around us. Remember, the Holy Spirit germinates those seeds in His timing. Remember, each of us is a perennial.

Reflect:

–Am I acting like an annual or a perennial?

–What (or whom) have you discarded, not realizing its potential?

–How can I plant seeds or bulbs of encouragement ?

Renew:

–“Each of us did the work the Lord gave us. I planted the seed in your hearts, and Apollos watered it, but it was God who made it grow. It’s not important who does the planting, or who does the watering. What’s important is that God makes the seed grow.” –1 Corinthians 3:5-7 NIV 1984

Recharge:

–Consider praying before every endeavor. Please comment.