Loving Deeply: Healing an Unhealable Marriage

February 23, 2016

Loving Deeply: Healing an Unhealable Marriage

By Guest Blogger Teresa Tarrant

Editor’s Note: Please welcome one of my precious role models, Teresa Tarrant, to “Pure Inspiration” as an encore Guest Blogger. She is an inspiration to me and infinite others. May her story, their story, touch your heart as it did mine.

“Love one another deeply, from the heart.” –1 Peter 1:22 NIV

Forty-four years. I have been married to the same man for 44 years. Amazing. For one thing, old people have been married 44 years…we are NOT old. For another thing, it has been a roller coaster ride, requiring both seat belt and shoulder harness!

Fortunately it has been one that GOD has patiently, lovingly and firmly kept on track. There were times I was sure we had derailed, but lo and behold, GOD’s hand guided us back to each other and to HIM.

For our 30th anniversary I decided to present my husband Guy with a video of our life together. I ruined years of carefully organized photo albums pulling visual memories of our dating, wedding (awww, such babies), first home (I still love that little house). Children (two amazing sons), pets (one dog chewed up the sprinkler system two weeks after installing….), travels, family gatherings. We cried watching it, overcome with the blessings and love…the bad times forgotten.

Just a few years earlier we were at a real crossroads in our marriage. Our older son had graduated from college and younger son was going off to college. Our glue was gone. We discussed separation. He was going to move out. My emotions vacillated between marriage and separation.

One day I woke up and found I could not stand another indecisive moment. I dropped to my knees by our bed and totally surrendered my will to God. I cried out to Him to help me know what to do. I told Him I could not live with my husband like this, and I could not imagine myself without him. I prayed for guidance and told Him I would not do one more thing unless I felt He was guiding me.

I lay on the floor weeping for quite some time until I felt a total peace come over me. It was strange. It was as if a weight had been lifted and I was not going to have to carry it any more.

Later that day I had to go to Wal-mart for cleaning supplies or something—I don’t even remember. What I do remember is how God talked to me. Yes, He very distinctly led me to the book section and showed me two books that changed my life—The Power of a Praying Wife and Traits of a Lasting Marriage. When I opened up this first book, the prayer I read was:

“Lord, I lay all my expectation at your cross. I release my husband from the burden of fulfilling me in areas where I should be looking to You. Help me to accept him the way he is and not try to change him. I realize that in some ways he may never change, but at the same time, I release him to change in ways I never thought he could. I leave any changing that needs to be done in Your hands, fully accepting that neither of us is perfect and never will be. Only you, Lord, are perfect, and I look to You to perfect us.”

The prayer followed with several Bible verses, Biblically-sound doctrine for restoring me, restoring my marriage. I felt my eyes well up with tears. Could God really be telling me I needed to change and be the person my husband needs? I always thought I was…that he just wasn’t the husband I needed.

Do you know that God can turn a heart from stone back to love in a matter of minutes? He can and He did. I left Wal-mart with a smile on my face and copies of the two books. When I got home I asked my husband if he would consider reading the book with me and trying to let God lead us back together. He agreed—another one of God’s miracles. I am blessed to have a husband who has always been willing to take every effort to make our marriage work. I knew we were going to finally have the marriage God intended for us—one of love, commitment, laughter, friendship, joy.

We still have our differences but they are handled with a very different approach. I first go to God and ask for His guidance in solving a problem; then I approach Guy. My “old” self rears its prideful head occasionally…ok, often. I recognize that God led us back into this marriage, and He will guide us through any rough patches.

We still cry when we watch that anniversary video from 14 years ago. I thank GOD and praise HIM for HIS unending patience, grace and love. HE was present in every single event, good and bad, in our lives…Growing us to be the people HE intended. I know HE was shaking HIS sweet head most of the time at our stubbornness but HIS mercies never fail.

We now have two beautiful grandchildren…hmmm, looks like it’s time for another video!

So, if you feel your marriage is off track, turn to GOD for guidance. Focus on the good times, positive memories and blessings Trust HIM. HE will not let you derail. GOD is faithful.

Reflect:

–How are you fighting for your marriage? Please comment.

–What wisdom can you glean from Teresa and Guy’s testimony? Please comment.

Renew:

–“Be completely humble and gentle. Be patient, bearing with one another in love.” –Ephesians 4:2 NIV

–“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.” –Ephesians 4:32 NIV

Recharge:

–What three things do you admit need changing in yourself to strengthen your marriage and/or other relationships? Please let your spouse know today. Comment here.

Resource:

Conway, Jim and Sally. 1991. Traits of a Lasting Marriage: What Strong Marriages Have in Common. Downers Grove, Illinois: InterVarsity Press.

Omartian, Stormie. 1997, 2014. Power of a Praying Wife. Eugene, Oregon: Harvest House Publishing.

February 3, 2015

I Want To Be Loved–Part 2 (Single Girl Valentine’s Confessions)

It’s tough being single on Valentine’s Day. As soon as Christmas is over, the stores are full of red hearts, love balloons, and Valentine’s Day merchandise. Hallmark Channel even plays non-stop Love movies! Yes, I get sucked into watching each one. Yes, I am a hopeful romantic.

Yes, I love reading the sweet greeting cards in the store aisles offered to the man of our life. It’s embarrassing to tell you, but years ago, I bought several beautifully-written Valentine’s Cards, perfect for my future husband. Perhaps it was like a a self-fulfilling prophecy to buy those cards expressing such deep, unconditional love for the man I know God has for me.

This simple gesture alone makes Valentine’s Day even HARDER for a single. A hopeful, romantic single.

Last Valentine’s Day was different. It was a cold night. I built a cozy fire. I was excited. I was ready. It was time to write my Love Letter. Opening my journal, the following is the Love Letter penned on those pages:

Dearest Lover of My Soul,

Happy Valentine’s Day! Thank you for being my First Love, today and always.

Thank you, Lord, for pointing out and healing the idolatry sin I have suffered for my future husband for years without even realizing it. My heart is changed. Please forgive me.

Holy Spirit, I want to be content in my singleness. Help me. Tonight I look forward to building a fire, taking my old store-bought Valentine’s cards bought for my future husband, and burning them as an offering to You. I am Yours. You are mine. I am at peace.

My Rock and My Redeemer, Gentle Healer, it is an honor to convey a portion of my immense love for You. No journal, no library can record all my love, dear Jesus. Thank you for loving me. Every breath is for You, precious Lord.

How may I serve You more? On this Valentine’s Day, I recommit my life to You. It is You and You alone who I need. (Not the only man I want, I admit). Right now, make me more of a vessel for You and Your Gospel. I want to be your humble ambassador, Your spokesman who only utters worthy, not worthless words. (Jeremiah 15:19). May it be so.

“Speak, for Your servant is listening.” (1 Samuel 3:10)

I Love You With My Whole Heart,

Danya, Your Daughter of the King

Since the Bible is God’s Love Letter, I had finally written my Love Letter to Jesus. That night transformed Valentine’s Day for me. Contentment came.

I’m looking so forward to Valentine’s Day in less than two weeks. Bring it.

Stay tuned next week for an encouraging message from Guest Blogger Teresa Tarrant on how to heal a broken marriage.

Reflect:

–Are you content in your circumstances? Please comment.

–How can you express your love for God more?

Renew:

“Because Your love is better than life, my lips will glorify You. I will praise You as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands.” –Psalm 63: 3-4 NIV

“‘My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.'” –John 15:12-13 NIV

“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation. ” –Philippians 4:12 NIV

“Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.” –1 Timothy 4:12 NIV.

Recharge:

–Write your Love Letter to Jesus.

–The Bible is God’s Love Letter to us. Please read it daily.

January 27, 2015

I Want To Be Loved–Part 1

I admit it. I want to be loved.

Our hearts are wired to love and be loved.

Since we are two weeks and a few days from Valentine’s Day, I confess that it’s hard to walk into a store and not be reminded of my singleness. It used to bother me so much. God sure did have to work on my heart to help me realize I’m being used in my singleness.

Guess what? I have some refreshing news!

No matter if you are married or single, you are loved because “God is love.” (1 John 4:16b NIV 1984). Jesus and His Love are really the cornerstone of Christianity.

Love is the divine glue that binds us together, giving us the freedom and deep desire to be more, to serve and love others, to do our best.

You know what Jesus said were the two most important laws to follow?

“Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.“ (Matthew 22: 37-40 NIV84).

Isn’t it wonderful and such a relief to know that the two most important “rules” Jesus wants us to follow are to love Him wholeheartedly and love others. By the way, our “neighbor” is everyone.

Many of you may be familiar with the well-known “Love Chapter” in 1 Corinthians 13, often read at weddings. Let’s look at this passage carefully, differently and challenge ourselves.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a NIV84).

Now for the challenge. In this passage, replace your own name with the word “Love” and read it aloud. Whew. It’s a tall order. I sure do fall short of living this.

For Valentine’s Day last year I gave my precious Mom a card. Inside I wrote her name in this passage. For those who know my beloved Mom, Maxine Jordan, she is June Cleaver and Jesus all wrapped up in one beautiful package. She lives this. She is love.

“Maxine is patient, Maxine is kind. She does not envy, she does not boast, she is not proud. Maxine is not rude, she is not self-seeking, she is not easily angered, she keeps no record of wrongs. Maxine does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Maxine always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Maxine never fails.”

Dear friend, you are loved and you are love. Let’s live it out loud. Let’s live love.

Stay tuned next Tuesday for Part Two of this “Love Series.” I’ll let you know my confessions and how last Valentine’s Day changed my whole perspective on this romantic holiday…

Reflect:

–How will you love more with your heart, starting today?

–Do you love the Lord? If so, do you love Him with your head or your heart? Are you ready to love Him more deeply?

Renew:

–“May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in You.” (Psalm 33:22 NIV84).

–“Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God…And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like Him… We love because He first loved us.” (1 John 4: 7, 16, 17, 19 NIV84).

Recharge:

–Which people or strangers will you demonstrate love to this week?

–Open you Bible and read some daily from it. Feel the Love pouring forth on you.